
Today is a glorious Portland day, rainy wet and gloomy. However, I refuse to be prisoner to my domain. I write from
Stumptown Coffee situated on SW 3rd Ave. It is one of the true gems of the P-Town coffee scene. Many of the cities hippest hipsters and hard core coffee freaks call Stumptown their home away from home. Like most of the coffee houses in town it has free wi-fi access, which is very inviting to bloggers, as well as students, job searchers, writers, and web surfers. In addition to being the provider of the finest French Press Coffee and Espresso Drinks in town, it also proudly boasts a sustainable business model by supporting the farmers who produce the beans and offering insurance to its local employees, in addition to donating its fresh roasted coffee beans to local shelters. The atmosphere of the downtown location epitomizes the spirit of the beatnik coffee house scene with a bold twenty-first century twist. The art is swapped out monthly, and dependent upon the month one may wonder if the large pieces are on loan from New York City’s Museum of Modern Art. I often suspect that if I glance behind one of the illuminated Apples glowing from one of the many i-books on location that I may see the ghost of Jack Kerouac staring back at me. Oh yeah, and if you need a brief retreat from your favorite caffeinated beverage you are encouraged to order your self one of the many malted beverages on the menu.
As mentioned, Stumptown is a haven for writers; I struck up a conversation with one local wordsmith who goes by the penname, Alexander Haley. We chatted over coffee and I told him about this blog. I asked if he anything he could contribute. Sitting across the table from me he emailed me a piece he calls “One Hit Wonder.” I reviewed the piece, which describes a day in the life of a bunch of twenty-something Montana mountain dweller do-gooders with an affinity for psychedelics. I like the piece and I offered to give it some legs by posting it here on this blog. I asked Haley, as he peered up at me from behind the quintessential i-book if there was any truth to this story? With a sly grin, he replied, “There is a little bit of truth to everything.”
One Hit Wonder
By Alexander Haley
The speedometer reads seventy-five miles per hour, a speed I presume to be reasonable rate of travel. I push down Interstate 51 thinking to myself. “I’m late, I’m always late. But I justify my tardiness using the rational that I’m ambitious, and I merely attempted to schedule too many activities into one day. A school of thought consistent with my basic life philosophy, the creator has provided for the human species mere moments, use them accordingly.
My focus returns to the interstate as the large metallic green sign reveals to me that my exit is a mile away. I remove my foot from the accelerator and cautiously apply it to the brake pedal, my Ford F-150 responds accordingly, not sliding or slipping amidst the remnants of the last 24 hours snowfall. I coast up the exit ramp, as I do, I consult the directions I scribbled into my 3” x 2” memo notebook. If followed correctly I should arrive at a party partially held in my honor.
I arrive at Trigger Gardens and recognize the split and I follow the road to the right. Trigger Road resembles a snowmobile trail, having been the recipient of the 12 inches of snow that was deposited on southwest Montana the day prior. The conditions being as they are, I am prompted to shift my truck into four-wheel drive. Maintaining control of the machine with my left hand on the wheel, I extend my right hand to the dashboard dial and switch from 2-wheel to 4-wheel drive. This simple maneuver has instantly improved the immediate parameters of my life. “Ah technology.”
My machine and I plow forward down the snow packed road, after a few moments I locate the green house I read of in my directions. I steer my machine into the drive. Due to my lack of punctuality I park behind the timely partygoers at the bottom of the upward sloping drive. I turn my machine off, take a quick inventory and gather my offerings of hummus, pita bread, an eight-dollar bottle of Australian Merlot and check my pocket for the herb I acquired earlier in the day. With my gifts in stow I trudge through the snow and bitter cold to the rustic bungalow that is nestled quaintly amidst the Elk Horn Mountains.
The porch is well lit illuminating the cleverly painted exterior, lime green with a sponge or smeared finish of forest green trim. Knowing that I am expected and suffering from the bone chilling cold I enter the dwelling without knocking. “Damn it’s cold, “ I announce, as I slam the door a burst of visually frosted air sneaks in with me.
Everyone is in festive spirits and happy to see me, as I am happy to see them. Jane, the host of the gathering takes my coat and wishes me a happy birthday. I return the greeting with, “happy birthday to you too.” The party is to celebrate the birthdays for the four of us who work together in a modern day orphanage. Jane, a tall attractive dark haired, dark eyed woman who just turned 29 is a Therapist. Valencia, a sparkling young gal with much courage, and one of my supervisors turned twenty-five. Max my immediate supervisor, a kind burly individual, became the age of twenty-six. And I turned twenty-eight.
I settle into the gathering by taking a spot on the floor and sit Indian style amongst Jane, Valencia, her boyfriend Jack, and an interesting character affectionately referred to as Gorilla. His real name is Ed, but has he been given the name Gorilla due to his stocky appearance, dark hair and eyes, and highbrow. Jack is no less a character, his hair fashioned into a long ponytail and he has a goatee that hangs well below his collarbone in Jesus like fashion. I get a good kick out of Jack, he is a come as you are kind of guy, not afraid to speak his mind, or just speak foolish all in the name of good fun. If you met Jack, you may find him discussing throwing poop, or many other subjects that could make a stranger feel a bit uncomfortable. Jack lives without reservations.
Max has not arrived, in his absence many good-natured jokes are made of his whereabouts. You see Max is contemplating life and Christianity; he seems to be straddling the fence between weekend warrior and devout Bible Thumper. Taking this into consideration and the fact that his girlfriend, Sandra, has just flown in from Wisconsin, we have plenty of material to forge together several comedic scenarios depicting their current happenings.
In the kitchen is a buffet of vegetarian entrees, including the hummus and pita bread I supplied, along with beans and cheese rolled in tortillas, fresh sliced peppers, carrots, cucumbers, dill dip, guacamole, salsa, blue chips, chocolate cake, and pecan pie. All of which will be washed down with the ale and wine stored in the ice chest.
The mood of the room is social and loose, as we have removed our professional masks and personas that we all display at work in the group home. All of us, with the exception of Jane carry the title of behavioral Specialist, and today our behaviors are very special.
Valencia leaks to Jane that Gorilla feels uncomfortable around her because of her training as a therapist. He believes she could be analyzing him. Everyone laughs, I also come clean with concerns of being analyzed, feeling I may have much to offer up for analysis.
We swap stories of our day-to-day adventures, current events, the looming war with Saddam Hussein and Iraq, foolishness, hopes and dreams, so on and so forth. The only rule is that anyone engaged in “shop talk” will be forced to chug his or her drink.
Throughout the conversation I have a couple of glasses of wine and the herb in my pocket is begging to be smoked. Despite the loose atmosphere I am unsure as to how to broach the subject. I know Jack and Gorilla will be down with the idea, Valencia does not usually partake, and Jane does not, so I don’t want to be rude. So I sit and drown my cravings with another glass of wine. Conversation continues, I speak of an attempted summit of Elk Horn Mountain I had done the previous day with a student. The shoptalk rule is ignored, as the story is rather exciting because the climb was discontinued due to the threat of an avalanche. Out of the blue Jack pipes up, “Hey P-Funk, got any grass?” Now that the subject is on the table and Jane is not taken aback at the idea, I respond, “As a matter a fact I do.”
Hearing this Gorilla also becomes excited. “You guys have some pot, eh? Do you want to smoke something that will really fuck you up? “What is it that you have?” I cautiously inquire. “Uh oh, Gorilla is bringin’ out the Salvia!” Jack declares. “Salvia? What is Salvia,” I ask.
Gorilla often has some kind of concoction, usually acquired at the health food store, or something he learned in a Tom Brown Tracking Course.
“It’s called Salvia Divindorum, it’s a spiritual medicine used by Mazatec Shamans when meditating, they use it to put them in touch with God, and bring them in balance with the earth. I heard about it from a friend, and found it online, so I bought some. Do want to give it a try?” Gorilla asks with mischievous grin.
Jack gets worked up, “I smoked some of the Salvia the other night, I could not feel my arms and did nothing but laugh uncontrollably. It was definitely intense, you should try some P-Funk,” laughing devilishly.
In my past life as a gardener I planted ample amounts of a plant called Salvia. A low growing perennial with lavender to navy blue spiky racemes that flowers in late June into early July. I had once read that a strain of the plant had psychedelic properties. Confident that I have some sort of dominance over the flowering creature because I had lodged so much of the plant into the earth I was feeling brave. Not to mention I am rather well versed on the subject of psychedelic drugs---I assume I can handle just about anything. Another caveat I must add is that I have smoked some of the herbal alternatives to marijuana often found on the Internet, and all that I got was a headache.
So I say, “Sure Gorilla, I’m in on the Salvia.”
Jane and Valencia listening to us converse about this curious plant, say they want to observe us under the effects of Salvia. We all dress for the elements and step outside for this shamanistic experience.
Standing outside, and still feeling a bit cocksure about the event I pull out my pipe and proceed to pack it full of the Kind Bud I acquired earlier in the day. Jack says, “I don’t know P-Funk, I don’t think you’ll need to do that.”
I scoff at him and fire up the glass piece, take a hit and pass it on to him. Meanwhile Gorilla has packed his glass bowl full of Salvia. He hands it to me. It looks like over dried pot that is commonly referred to as shake. He says, “Light it and hold the flame to it, inhale and the hold the hit in as long as you can. But dude…you better sit down.”
Obeying Gorilla’s advice I take a seat on the edge of the porch over looking the forest of tall Lodge Pole Pines. I press the pipe to my lips, light the Salvia, take a hit, and as directed I hold the hit in as long as I can---maybe 40-45 seconds. At this point I am still in doubt of the toxicity of the substance as I a pass the pipe to Jack. I exhale and as I do not only do I blow out the psychedelic laced smoke from my lungs, but also any particles of sanity that I may have possessed prior to taking that one hit of Salvia.
Long before the last hit of Salvia passes from my lips I am suddenly deposited into a brand new existence. I hear the familiar psychedelic whow-whow-whow-whow deep within the furrows of my cranium. I feel the full constraints of gravity pushing me back against the earth as if all the muscles in my body are defending my space in the universe; every last bit of my strength is contracting against the suddenly obvious force of gravity. My head, with out my permission falls back as far as it is physically possible, leaving me to stare face up to the sky. My mouth gapping wide open and my pupils are fully dilated---I don’t feel cold, I don’t feel warm, I feel simply numb. I am aware of my surroundings, but I do not care, and it doesn’t matter because there is nothing I can do about them. Gathering just a bit of control I lean back stretch my hands down to the porch, stabilizing myself in tri-pod like fashion. This task takes maybe 3-4 seconds, but for my hands to reach the planks seems likes an eternity.
My skyward gaze is focused on the underside of a pine branch that is topped with snow. Suddenly, my field of view kaleidoscopes and the image of the pine bow multiplies one hundred times over like one giant screen saver. I am aware of everything and nothing all at the same time, every molecule of energy physical or metaphysical becomes blatantly apparent. The vibration of the universe flows to me and thru me, like the waves of a 10’ by 10’ swimming pool filled with a thousand swimmers swimming. In the background I can hear the voices of Jane, Valencia, I hear Gorilla coaching me thru this funnel, “Focus, the more you concentrate the longer it lasts.” My breathing slows down; every breath in is like it just blew in form Eden and every breath out is on a return trip to the promise land. Although I am physically aware of where my body is stationed I am somewhere else, lost in my own mind. Some thoughts are beautiful, fully absorbed in my pine branch world, some thoughts are frightening, I speculate about not revisiting sanity. And then like the opening of a door I return to the sub-conscious world of magnificence.
Slowly the intensity wears off and I make a slight return to reality. Jack is nearby and has set the pipe behind me. I hear his voice, it is reassuring, and it is good to recognize someone. I again reach for the pipe. Jack says, “Hmm, going there again?”
I take a second hit, as I exhale I wish I had not. Again my attentiveness to gravity is heightened, not only do I feel the pressure of gravity, but my muscles have given up the fight and my body becomes like one giant rubber band. No longer can I sit, as I have become a rubber band that has been struck by lightening. Although I know that this is not possible, the world in which I currently reside, nothing would surprise me. I begin to wander aimlessly through the trees, keeping a bearing on the house, my lone anchor to the real world. I can’t stay still and I decide my best chance of regaining normalcy is to keep moving. I fight with Salvia and then give in surrendering to the moment---battle, then surrender. I hear Jack, “How you doin’ P-Funk, you know four in five people don’t return.” He continues to chuckle.
I think to myself but I am unable to speak, “Jackass!”
After what I suppose is ten minutes the effects begin to subside. No longer is gravity such an issue. Yet, the arrangement of my thoughts is in limbo, like having too many windows open on a computer. Some moments I feel very rested, like waking from a long slumber. Other moments have a peculiar clarity to them. These thoughts are very basic, and simplistic. One must keep moving; you can move forward or backwards, it is all merely a choice of the energies you choose to subscribe to. But you cannot stand still or you will open your self to the parasites of the world. This being similar to the lichen that assumes residence on a random piece of granite that comes to rest in the forest. The granite that once was perched high atop the mountain broke free from the whole and tumbled down to the forest floor. Moss and lichen move in cloud the rocks view, pilfer its vision and borrow the energies of the granite. The rock becomes stagnant, a mere subtly of the glorious face it once belonged to.
“Wow!” I shout, “Wow, Wow!”
“Good to see you again P-Funk.” Jack says grinning ear to ear.
“What’d ya think?” Gorilla inquires wide-eyed, with an expression that reveals, that is some crazy shit.
Still unable to completely grasp the English language, I reply, “Intense, in—tense!”
“Hey it’s damn cold out here, lets go back in,” Jack declares.
“Good idea,” I reply. And the three of us cranium explorers return to the warm confines of the bungalow.
Valencia and Jane, whom had previously returned to the inside, are sitting in Buddha like fashion on the floor chatting welcome our return. “How you guys doin’?” Valencia asks, shaking her head smiling. Jane also curious of our state of being says, “I was observing some strange behaviors out there.”
“You think there were strange behaviors out there, you should have been in here.” I state, as I point to my temple.
“I used to plant Salvia by the dozens, but this time it planted me!” I broadcast shaking my head.